Being at the halfway house has been such a blessing in so many ways. I am able to see my family on a regular basis - although not in the setting that I would like. But as I've mentioned in my previous posts, there is something torturous about being so close to the life that you once knew without being able to fully engage in it. I love seeing my beautiful daughter Navy - but I hate not being able to go on walks with her. I love seeing my son Jack, but I hate not being able to play catch with him. I love holding my baby girl Elizabeth again, but I hate not being able to be home each night to help her with her homework. And of course, I hate being so far away from our daughter Maggie - I hate that she's so far away from us. And being back around Sallie has been the greatest thing of all - except for the fact that it's like we're back in high school again - parking lots and back seats are our dating venues.
It's also been eye-opening for me to see just how institutionalized I have become in the almost 10 months of being part of the system. While I was still in prison in Rifle, I would always tell myself that that I could never become an institutionalized person - it's just not in my personality.I'd see so many different people who would come to Rifle from higher level facilities and have a hard time with the relative freedom of a minimum level facility. I'd watch them struggle with being able to come and go out of their rooms at any time, they'd struggle trying to be respectful to the guards because they were so used to always fighting against them and they were always paranoid that other inmates were out to get them.
As I've began my reintroduction back into society, I occasionally find myself hesitating before I do some mundane task - because it was something that I needed permission to do while incarcerated. I am always plagued with a small bit of anxiety, no matter where I'm at, that I'm going to forget some small detail about checking-in, doing my chores, etc... that's going to result in me getting regressed back to prison. Sallie calls it my PTSD - I suspect that it will get better as I get more and more used to this new level of reality.
One thing that is clear about the halfway house - a lot of the guys just don't end up being to handle it. Just this week there have been 2 more guys who ran away, missed their check-in's and never came back. It's hard for me to comprehend why someone would go through all of the effort to qualify for the halfway house, only to run away once you got there. Running away from the facility is considered "escape" and will result in a minimum of 3 additional years in prison. I don't think that they'll send SWAT Teams to find these guys but the next time they have an encounter with the law, they'll have a warrant out for their arrest and they'll start the cycle back all over again. And it won't be long until they do have that encounter with law enforcement - they aren't running away from the halfway house to go spend time with a traveling christian choir - but I've been wrong before...
It's also been eye-opening for me to see just how institutionalized I have become in the almost 10 months of being part of the system. While I was still in prison in Rifle, I would always tell myself that that I could never become an institutionalized person - it's just not in my personality.I'd see so many different people who would come to Rifle from higher level facilities and have a hard time with the relative freedom of a minimum level facility. I'd watch them struggle with being able to come and go out of their rooms at any time, they'd struggle trying to be respectful to the guards because they were so used to always fighting against them and they were always paranoid that other inmates were out to get them.
As I've began my reintroduction back into society, I occasionally find myself hesitating before I do some mundane task - because it was something that I needed permission to do while incarcerated. I am always plagued with a small bit of anxiety, no matter where I'm at, that I'm going to forget some small detail about checking-in, doing my chores, etc... that's going to result in me getting regressed back to prison. Sallie calls it my PTSD - I suspect that it will get better as I get more and more used to this new level of reality.
One thing that is clear about the halfway house - a lot of the guys just don't end up being to handle it. Just this week there have been 2 more guys who ran away, missed their check-in's and never came back. It's hard for me to comprehend why someone would go through all of the effort to qualify for the halfway house, only to run away once you got there. Running away from the facility is considered "escape" and will result in a minimum of 3 additional years in prison. I don't think that they'll send SWAT Teams to find these guys but the next time they have an encounter with the law, they'll have a warrant out for their arrest and they'll start the cycle back all over again. And it won't be long until they do have that encounter with law enforcement - they aren't running away from the halfway house to go spend time with a traveling christian choir - but I've been wrong before...
Brandon Stephens, Weld County Jail, Wood Group, Sentenced, 5 Years, Prison, NFL, DRDC, Rifle Correctional Center, Colorado Department of Corrections, Jail, Judge Quammen, Steve Wrenn, Weld County, Executive, Oil, Gas, White Collar, Wood, BYU, Masters Degree, Colorado State University, SWIFT, Firefighter, Wildland, Sawyer, Fire, Inmate, Brandon Stokey, Miracles, Centennial Community Correctional Center, Delta Correctional Center, DRDC, Denver Diagnostic and Reception Center, Felony, Sallie Stephens, Greeley Tribune, Judge Thomas Quammen, DA Steve Wrenn, Weld County Court, Oil & Gas
Brandon,
ReplyDeleteI just learned about this blog yesterday and have read almost every post. Thank you, the words strengthen me.
I have thought a lot about you during the past months and look up to you. My parents live in Denver now, so next time I am up there I would love to connect.
Best of love from me, David Lovato, and my family. Elle, Graham(3) and Everett (2).