Enough Trials and Tribulations Already

I keep telling myself that the next time I post on here it will be a positive, uplifting, God is great, hallelujah post. Not so with this one but NEXT time, it just has to be. 

Brandon got back from his 14 day assignment yesterday about 12:30. I wasn't sure we were going to go to Rifle and see him because I had no idea what time he would be back. Visiting is open every Saturday and Sunday 9:00-3:30, so I was worried about driving up there and him missing that window. But after not talking to him for two very long weeks, I was determined to see him even if it was for five minutes; it was a chance I was going to take.

The past two weeks were filled with so many awful things, I didn't know where I was going to start when I did see him and I didn't want to ruin how good it felt to see him with all my negative nancy news.

Rewind 2 weeks ago, the day after Brandon left for a fire, I got a text saying that one of our closest friends had lost her sister in a single car accident the day before. So on the same day Brandon left. I knew Brandon would be gone for the next 14 days and I knew he would want to know. She was 22 and just graduated from college, it is so tragically awful. I knew he'd hate that he was missing the funeral, that he wouldn't be able to hug our friends and be there for them like he would if he wasn't currently property of the state of Colorado. I was so sad, I just kept thinking how unfair life can be and how hard it is to understand, reconcile, and handle unexplainable things that happen.

That week was long and by the time Wednesday rolled around, I decided the only thing I could do was go to relieve all the anger mixed with such sadness was to go to my church's temple and try and find some comfort there. It has been very difficult for me to go there since Brandon has been gone; it's all about families being together, literally forever. 

It has been really hard for me to go as much as I should because I get so sad going without Brandon. I have sat in parking lot more times than I'd like to admit, watching couples walk in and out together and wondering if they even appreciate being able to go together. Anyway, I dragged myself there and thought maybe any prayers I could say for myself, my family, my friends, and even the judge in this case might carry a little more weight if I do it there... silly you might say, but I am trying everything I know and believe in. I was so proud of myself that as I left I thought, at least I am doing what I believe in.

The next morning as I was walking into the gym, my phone rang. I saw it was my brother-in-law who is an attorney. I knew he wasn't calling to ask how I slept. I picked it up and was told that after three months, the judge had finally responded to our motion that we had filed asking him to reconsider the sentence he imposed. I had told myself not to expect anything, I wasn't holding my breath, but as it turned out, I was.

The judge had said no to the motion. He said in so many words that if he reduced it, it would take away from the seriousness of the crimes and while the court is not surprised to learn he is a model inmate, the time credit he will receive from that will reduce it anyway. I was sick and although tears welled up in my eyes, I kept my composure at the gym. 

Just more awful news that hurts not only myself but people I love. When I got home I broke down in the shower, it felt good not having to hold it in. Afterwards, I laid on my bed until I it was time to pick up the kids from school. I had decided I wasn't going to tell the kids, simply because I'm selfish. I didn't want to tell them by myself and to tell them that it's okay and everything will work out; I am afraid I am losing my credibility with them. And honestly, I just didn't have it in me to say it when I did not believe it myself.

When I picked up Navy I could instantly see something was wrong. She had mustered up the courage to tryout for the sophomore dance that day for field day; every class has a dance they perform during homecoming week as one of the competitions throughout the week. This dance is supposed to be fun but as Navy walked in, she was asked if she was a dancer or a gymnast. When she said no, she was told it was for serious dancers and to go wait by the wall. She was heartbroken. Ugh, she needs more than me, she needs her Dad to pick her up in his big bear hug and say and do something to make her laugh uncontrollably. Another reminder just how much my kids need him. 

The days dragged on and Saturday was the highlight and distraction I needed.  Jack had his first football game of the season. I was nervous yet excited. The team they were playing were alot bigger than our team but it was an exciting game. Jack is the QB and his favorite target is out with an injury for a few more weeks so I didn't know what to expect. Jack ran for a 50 yard TD and as he was running, I was standing there and everything was mute, I had my hands up by my face as I was clapping but I didn't realize I had tears streaming down my face as I thought, "his dad should be here." My friend Katie was cheering like his second mom and knew what I was thinking, I was so grateful to have her there to help me feel not so alone in what I was feeling watching Jack. It was a confusing feeling I felt, so happy for Jack but I know he was wishing his Dad was there to see it.  

A few series later on defense, he stripped it and ran it in for another TD. Tears again as I just stood there watching Jack run over to the sideline, giving me a cute little grin. The team played great and pulled off a win, Saturday was my best day, seeing Jack do something he loves and shares with his Dad.

Fast forward to this Saturday, Jack ran for an 80 yard TD, then a few plays later running out of bounds, he was tackled, 4 guys from behind. He tried getting up and collapsed, we are hoping it isn't his ACL but it doesn't look good. I was already heading to Utah to see Maggie and go to her two games this week, so I just bought Jack a ticket as he is lucky enough to have the best knee dr in the world take care of him and his knee. I'm not just saying that because he is my Dad, but because it really is true. No matter the outcome of his injury, I know he is in the best possible care and he will be okay even though the season for him, is over. 

That said, I knew I had to tell Brandon about it in person and that this was one of his biggest worries. Not that he could have prevented it, but not being here to help him mentally and physically; pure torture for Brandon. 

After getting Jack wrapped, braced and on crutches, we headed for Rifle that night. We all needed to see him, but even more so now. It was so good to see him and never long enough. It always makes me cry as we drive away without him because after 7 months and 10 days, I would like that judge to know that it's been long enough and enough damage has been done; it's time he's home and around his kids because they need him...almost as much as I do. 

Brandon Stephens, Weld County Jail, Wood Group, Sentenced, 5 Years, Prison, NFL, DRDC, Rifle Correctional Center, Colorado Department of Corrections, Jail, Judge Quammen, Steve Wrenn, Weld County, Executive, Oil, Gas, White Collar, Wood, BYU, Masters Degree, Colorado State University, SWIFT, Firefighter, Wildland, Sawyer, Fire, Inmate, Brandon Stokey, Miracles, Centennial Community Correctional Center, Delta Correctional Center, DRDC, Denver Diagnostic and Reception Center, Felony, Sallie Stephens, Greeley Tribune, Judge Thomas Quammen, DA Steve Wrenn, Weld County Court, Oil & Gas,. Halfway House, Centennial Community Correction Center, CCTC, Felon, 416 Fire, Silver Creek Fire, Spring Fire, Cabin Lake Fire