Enduring to the End

The Colorado Department of Corrections is kind enough to post dates online that correspond with major milestones in your incarceration adventure. The date that I have been most interested in is my Parole Eligibility Date. That's the date that I'm eligible for parole - essentially the date that my incarceration period will end. Hypothetically, this date is supposed to move back 10 days per month due to the "good time" that you are able to earn in Colorado. But for some reason, my date has swung wildly over the past couple of months and has varied from August 17, 2019 to September 11, 2019. As it stands right now, it reads August 17, 2019 - but I have been given no notifications from the State of Colorado that this is when I can move back to Utah. The unknowns and lack of communication is something that I have come to accept as being a part of my sentence - maybe the worst part. Sallie has been amazing (as usual) at bird-dogging the entire process and this week I was officially approved to move back to Utah - we just don't know when. Endure to the end - whenever that end may be.

As my time here in Colorado appears to be coming to an end, I've had the opportunity to sit and visit with so many friends, both new and old, to discuss the journey that has been the last couple of years. It's been overwhelming at times to sit with so many different people and realize how much love has been given to our family through this ridiculously difficult time. Under normal circumstances it takes a village to raise a family but in extreme circumstances (like these have been) it has taken a mega-city. I'll never be able to properly communicate the gratitude that Sallie and I have for everything that so many of you have done for us. So many of you stepped up and filled gaps in our lives that otherwise could have had a deep and lasting impact on our family. Uncles, Aunts, Grandpas, Grandmas, Friends and Neighbors all took on a role of Father. Thank you so much - not just the big things but the small things too made a huge difference in our lives. 

As it turns out, this whole ordeal wasn't for everyone, there are those who will have nothing to do with us and for that we are heartbroken.  You never know what people are going through, the tough part about life is that you don't know what you don't know. I know that we did the best we could - that's all you can do in these life circumstances - self-inflicted or not. One thing that I do takeaway from this experience is that it takes exponentially more energy and effort to hold grudges and hate towards people, companies, etc... I spent the first couple months of incarceration mad at the world (mainly at myself).  Once that anger took hold of my soul, it was an all-consuming wildfire. It spilled into other parts of my life and made me more and more miserable. It wasn't until I was finally able to let that stuff go - in my case, by turning it over to the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ - that I was able to start the the healing process (albeit while surrounded by prison walls). As the great Martin Luther King Jr. said, “I have decided to stick to love...Hate is too great a burden to bear.” 

I'm hoping that my next post will be done from the confines of my own house, beside my family - maybe even from a laptop that I'm writing on while laying in my own bed. Dream a little dream...