My Cup Runneth Over

I will never forget my first couple of days in prison. The sights, smells, sounds, faces...everything is permanently etched on my mind like it was inscribed there for me to  read and relive at any time. Those were dark days - endless hours of fear, despair, hopelessness and worry. I was locked in an 8'x12' cell for 23 hours a day. I was not allowed to use the phone, write letters...I had no way of communicating with the mortal people that meant everything to me. I felt that everything that I had built in my life was gone.  It's in situations like this where you've got to be grateful that you believe in a God - because for hours upon hours it was just him...and me. Admittedly, my monologue with my maker wasn't always respectful. There were a lot of questions that I felt like I needed answers to. I felt confused, let down, abandoned. And yet no matter how hard I pleaded, yelled, cried, whispered or demanded - it was clear, the time frame for answers wasn't controlled by my will - the time frames were all his - and that was unacceptable to me. One night, after days of frustration, I was completely ready to abandon all faith and accept the darkness of my cell. And just when I had reached the breaking point, small whispers from heaven started to trickle down - but from the unlikeliest of places.

Two cells down from me in Cell 301 was an old Hispanic man, covered from head to toe in tattoos, named Victor Ramirez. Every night, when the guards would turn the lights out, he would stand up in his cell and yell, "My name is Victor Ramirez, and the Lord  requires that I share Bible verses with you tonight." And then he would proceed to recite verses as loud as he could. Up until that night, I never paid attention to anything Victor was yelling - he just seemed like an old crazy man who'd been locked up for too long. But that night, the night that I was resigned to no longer believe, Victor's words found their mark.

In a loud, rhythmic chant his accented voice blurted out Psalms 23 -

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

King David's words, ones that I had heard thousands of times before, were finally significant to me. Finally, I was walking through the proverbial valley of the shadow of death and only a few short days into my journey, I was ready to give up. When Victor got to those words in Verse 5 "my cup runneth over", it all came flooding back to me. An idea - an idea that I had once been taught and had even taught to others - that my current circumstances had caused me to forget. I had been so focused on what I had lost - that I hadn't even considered what I still had. And as I laid there and listened to Victor recite more and more of David's words - my mental list of what I still had, began to dwarf the list of what I had lost - and for the first time since I had been locked away - my cold, dark cell was filled with the light of God - and I finally started to understand...

I'll always remember that night because it's the night that I knew that I had to start writing a blog - this blog. Ironically enough, a couple days later, when Sallie and I were able to talk on the phone, she'd had the same idea - I'm sure from the same source. In the beginning, we figured the blog was all about logistics. The sheer amount of letters and people that we needed to get the word out to was overwhelming. The blog would help minimize the unanswered questions that so many of our friends and family had. As months have turned to years, the blog has turned out to be an incredible journalistic reminder of the journey. Sallie and I will often go back and read posts to remind ourselves that all tough things do pass - no matter how hard they seem in the moment.

This blog has also brought something else into our lives - something completely unexpected. Believe it or not, there is very little information available to families whose loved ones are sentenced to prison - at least in Colorado. Prison just isn't a situation where there is some huge societal effort to develop outreach programs, brochures, etc. Bestsellers - What to Expect When You're Expecting - Yes, What to Expect When You're Going To Prison - not so much. Sallie and I know this first hand because the lack of information lead us to being very poorly prepared for me to go to prison.

I'm no web expert so I don't know how to explain it, but in Colorado, when people search for information about prison - Google's algorithms link many people to my blog. Keywords, page views...I'm not sure. But this has resulted in Sallie and I being contacted by family after family about helping them and their loved ones know what to expect. At least every week, sometimes every day, someone reaches out to us asking if we can help them. Help them understand, help them cope, help them regain hope. Sallie and I have shared countless phone calls, hundreds of texts and emails and some very special moments with many of these families. Each time we meet a new person or family, we are reminded of some of those dark times that we've had. But it has been one of the great privileges  blessings of our life to help and love these people - to shed tears with them - to add light back to their lives. In so many ways, it has made our experience that much more meaningful - it has been one of the most beautiful miracles of our life.

I think back to my friend Victor who yelled out Bible verses every single night.  As it turns out, Victor has had a lot of influence on a lot of people. I wish I could find him, thank him, hug him..I don't think that I'll ever see Victor again - at least not in this life. But let this be an open letter of gratitude to Victor - Thank You Victor. Thank you for helping me walk through the valley of the shadow of death that dark night in my cell...my cup runneth over.

Brandon Stephens, Weld County Jail, Wood Group, Sentenced, 5 Years, Prison, NFL, DRDC, Rifle Correctional Center, Colorado Department of Corrections, Jail, Judge Quammen, Steve Wrenn, Weld County, Executive, Oil, Gas, White Collar, Wood, BYU, Masters Degree, Colorado State University, SWIFT, Firefighter, Wildland, Sawyer, Fire, Inmate, Brandon Stokey, Miracles, Centennial Community Correctional Center, Delta Correctional Center, DRDC, Denver Diagnostic and Reception Center, Felony, Sallie Stephens, Greeley Tribune, Judge Thomas Quammen, DA Steve Wrenn, Weld County Court, Oil & Gas,. Halfway House, Centennial Community Correction Center, CCTC, Felon, 416 Fire, Silver Creek Fire, Spring Fire, Cabin Lake Fire,