We don't fall down

"Weebles Wobble but they don't fall down.." I miss the days when our four little kids wanted nothing more than chocolate milk filled sippy cups, hugs, and The Disney Channel. I'd sometimes find myself looking forward to the latest installment of whatever Disney show was coming out. One of the most memorable toy commercials from that period of our lives was called Weebles. Weebles are little toy figures that are shaped kind of like a bowling pin. What makes a Weeble fun to play with is that they have a counter-weight in their bodies that will not allow them to be tipped over. If you push one over, they will rock back, wobble a bit and pop right back up-hence the tag line- weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

The past 2 1/2 years  of our lives have been full of trials and adversity that at times seemed unbearable. And, although we will be the first to admit that there are people with much more difficult trials than ours, these were the most difficult things that Sal and I have ever had to face thus far in our lives. I have to admit that as the legal process dragged on day after day, month after month and year after year, I began to empathize with the plight of a weeble. After all, the whole purpose of playing with a weeble is to try and knock him over and it seems like life was doing it's best to knock us down.

I'm sure that we've all felt like a weeble at some point in our lives. The miracle of this life is that we all find ways to not fall over. Sallie and I have learned so much about ourselves, our faith, and our friends and family through this ordeal-in fact, it's those four things that have kept us from falling over.

Ourselves

Sallie and I are the classic love story, except the part about me being in prison...I knew I loved Sal when I was 15 years old-23 years ago. Despite my poor Dad trying to keep me from having a steady girlfriend, we have always been meant for each other. We have the most beautiful kids- they are all we dreamed we'd have someday.

We always wanted to have at least one more baby, maybe two. But that was not meant to be. We were 22 years old when we had Maggie, little did we know the adversity we'd be facing of having more kids. Fast forward five years and 3 kids later, Sal wasn't feeling right and next thing I knew, I was told Sal was 12 weeks pregnant but it was an ectopic and she was rupturing. Our Dr. was one of the best and had been involved in all four previous high risk, premature babies births. I trusted him completely, so when he told me that she wasn't going to be able to carry any more pregnancies, I was devastated for Sal and myself but knew our Dr. knew what had to be done and I will forever be grateful for the love, skill and care he gave Sal and my kids.

Having to tell Sallie when she was awake after surgery was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had with her. It was tough for us to accept, yet as the shock of it all began to settle in, we realized how blessed we were to have the babies we have. Although it's still sad for me, we have four kids we are lucky to have as all of our babies were premature and we were always worried that one of them might not make it- especially Navy.

Like everyone, we have had our share of stressful job changes, moves, health scares, and financial worries of starting a company. All pretty normal issues that you could expect life to give you. But when my former company decided to sue me civilly and ultimately pursue criminal charges despite settling, our lives were turned upside down. One of the hardest parts about the legal process was that I didn't feel like Sallie and I were old enough to be dealing with these types of situations. Lawsuits happened to older, more mature people- I still see Sallie an I as teenagers! But as it is- we are not and we are adults old enough, probably not mature enough, but we had to face this adult situation.

The adversity that we faced throughout all of this was worse than we could have ever imagined. There were nights where I held Sallie as she cried herself to sleep, there were nights where she held me as I cried, and there were nights that we spent crying ourselves to sleep.... in separate rooms. We've learned a lot about each other. I learned that Sallie is stronger than I knew. I've learned that she is the most loyal woman that I will ever know. I would not have made it through all of this without her. She gave me hope when I thought there was nothing left to hope for. Sallie is the single greatest blessing that I have and will ever receive.

Our biggest fear as we approached sentencing was the kids. For the most part, we had tried our best to shelter the kids from the whole situation. However, I suspect that they could tell that Mom and Dad were off and not their usual selves. One of Maggie's friends had sent her the link to the article -that was absolutely terrible.  But I could never imagined the strength and character that our amazing kids have shown through all of this. As they sit around the table in the visiting room here, I am so grateful for them. I know there are days where kids at school can be especially mean about having a dad in prison, sadly, even some adults, but they continue to amaze us with their perspective. On most nights we have our standing 8pm phone call where I get to talk to each of them and go through each of their days. Before I can even ask them how their day was, they want to know how I am doing.

"Did you sleep well? How was dinner, How are your prison friends?" I wish I would have given our kids more credit earlier in all of this-they are more in tune than adults. They have been one of my biggest sources of strength in here.

Faith

When I started this blog I promised to be authentic and under that promise I will tell you this-there have been multiple time throughout the past couple of years where my faith "wobbled." Life can be full of such joy that we tend to forget that life has it's share of disappointments and sadness. I know that while facing some of my hardest trials I have found myself telling God that I don't deserve this. At times during this legal process I felt completely abandoned by my Heavenly Father. Nothing that we were praying for was being given to us. It was as if everything I have ever believed was starting to crack. What I had forgotten during this was that God does not promise to take away our burdens-he promises that through our faith, they will be made lighter. As I look back, I can see God's hand everywhere in our lives during this trial and he continues to make our heavy burden lighter on a daily basis.

Family and Friends

It has been said that when times get tough you find out who your friends are. We got the opportunity to see how blessed and good the family and friends that didn't blink when told them, we just got to see how truly amazing they are.

One of my favorite stories from the Bible is in the Old Testament in 2 Kings 6: The Kingdoms of Israel and Syria are at war. The Prophet Elisha has been helping Israel to win battles by telling the King information about the Syrian Army. The King of Syria finds out about Elisha and decides to send part of his army to kill the Prophet. One of Elisha's servants wakes up in the morning and discovers  that they are completely surrounded by Syrian horses, chariots and a large army. The servant runs and wakes up Elisha up and says, "Master, why should we do?" Elisha's answer is so powerful. "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them."

I'm sure the servant of the Prophet was confused Elisha had no armies, no horses, chariots there to protect them. Elisha sensing the fears of his servant prays, "Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes that he may see." And the Lord answered Elisha's prayer because we read, "And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha."

There were so many times over the past few years where we felt completely alone. I was a lot like the servant of Elisha who just didn't have the "eyes of faith" to look around and see all the angels that were standing beside us. Those angels that had come to support and protect us were our families and friends. Most of them will never fully understand the impact that your love and support has had on us through this trying time. I can still recall some of the painful, humiliating phone conversations I had to have with my father in law, mother in law, brothers, sisters, parents, friends, customers and employees.

One of the most influential men in my life is my father in law who I call Doc. I have known him since I was a kid. He helped me in so many ways throughout my life, and when I was faced with this, he told me that while he didn't condone some of my poor decisions, they would support me in every way possible through the process, in his words, "that's what family does and I expect you to do the same thing for my grand kids and their spouses and kids. You sell everything you own to help your family." I will never forget that because he is someone who lives everything he preaches. I would be lost without his guidance and unconditional love and support. It seems to run in the Goble family because all of the siblings, along with Michele have loved me through it all.

Sallie had the example of strength and loyalty growing up watching her mom, Michele. She was a classy lady and  I was a just a teenage boy who thought her mom was hot. Somehow, I knew enough to see how special she was. I don't think I consciously knew how important these traits are, but as life happens, I am fully aware and what a gift she has given her kids.

The youngest Goble, Bouk, happens to be my business partner and he along with his wife Hailey have been right beside us going through it with us. Their two boys have been a bright spot for me on so many days, I miss seeing them and miss teasing them. I am so grateful for them and all that they have taken on while I am away, family is everything and while we have friends who are like family to us, I am blessed to have in laws who I love as my own.

 My brother Jason, I wish he lived closer so we could raise our kids together but as soon as things went bad in January, Jason and Carolyn offered to come here, move here, help with the kids, basically do anything to help without a thought of how it would affect their lives. What an example they have been to me.

Whenever I call my parents, I can count on my mom to make sure I am ok, physically and emotionally. She is easy to talk to and always has been, I always feel better after hearing her voice. My dad is great about checking in on my spirituality and that I am applying the principles he has taught me. It's a perfect balance.

Both of my brother in laws on each side, Sam and Brandon who we refer to a B-Larry, are both attorneys and have been so helpful in helping with the case. I'm sure it's frustrated them but I am so grateful for their knowledge, advice and help with the case along with my lead attorney. It goes without saying that their wives Chelsie and my sister Chelsea had to give up their time with them and the kids to help me, I am so thankful.

Sallie's sister Caytee is the best sister to Sallie. She knows her, understands her and would do anything for us. I always tried to swing by Lane and Caytee's house in Texas. Seeing their kids was always the highlight, they tease me and I tease them, I loved it. Lane would take Jack and raise him how I would want if needed, that means a lot to a dad when you think about what you'd want for your kids if you weren't around.

I sit here and think about all of my siblings and Sallie's. My oldest brother in law Pete is the oldest Goble and I was always a little intimidated by him. He can fix anything with a motor and it took me years to finally quit pretending like I knew what an actuator was, let alone how to rebuild a car, how to fix a motor... It's a lot less energy to try to gain his respect in a more respectable way..although this isn't what I had in mind. His wife Alex was his high school sweetheart as well and I am not sure if they know how much I always admired how they treated each other. I am grateful for them and hopefully when this is over, I will be able to spend more time around them and their kids.

Being in here, you have a lot of time to think about how you spend your time and who and what is really important. Relationships with family is important to me and I plan to make sure I invest more in that.

My youngest brothers Tim and Jimmy along with their wives Diana and McKelle were left in the dark as I hoped to resolve this without them knowing about it. As the oldest in my family, I take pride in being a good example and I was ashamed and didn't want to let them down. As with my own kids, I didn't give them enough credit. As soon as they knew what was happening, all they cared about was me and my family. Sad it took me in this position to realize that somtimes, the oldest doesn't always know best.

Grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, friends (that I will have to address in another post), coaches, church leaders, and an entire Cross-Fit gym have combined forces to look our for the well being of the Stephens Family.

Just one story that I'd like to use as an example-

Each year our kids' elementary school holds a daddy-daughter dance. They do an amazing job and I have loved taking my girls every year for the last 12 years. The event takes place in March so my littlest lady, Elizabeth's date was locked up. She and I were completely heartbroken knowing that we wouldn't be able to go together this year. We had many conversations about whether or not she should go or not and ultimately we decided that she didn't feel comfortable going with anyone else's dad. The whole scenario just made me sick- my baby girl was missing out on a special night because of her knuckle headed Dad.

One night as I was talking to Sal, she told me that there was someone who wanted to talk with me. That last time she said that  it was an Apostle so I was wondering who could possibly top that. I heard the voice on the other end and immediately recognized it as being that of Maggie's "friend"-Collin. Collin is a great kid and is someone I enjoyed getting to know before my move to Rifle. My whole family has loved having him around occasionally and has helped Jack not being the lone wolf at the house.

I could tell in his voice that he was a little nervous but I let him talk. "Mr. Stephens, I'd like to get your permission to ask Maggie to prom." Collin and I have an old school relationship that was passed down to me by Doc Goble. I told him that I was completely fine with that as long as he understood that my "rule" was still in place- anything that he does with her, I'd do with him. If they hold hands, we hold hands, if they hug, we hug, if they kiss...he assured me that it was still in place and I assured him that now that I've been in prison, I was more prepared to follow through on that deal.

After we got that business out of the way, I assumed the call was over so I started telling him goodbye. He hesitantly told me that he had one more question for me. As I think back on the question he as a 16 year old kid asking me, it's hard for me not to get choked up. Not because I feel bad but because I am so proud that they are still boys like Collin in this world. Collin asked me if he could also take my Elizabeth to the daddy daughter dance. "Of course you can," I said trying to hide my emotions.

I was so surprised and humbled to hear this young man show amazing love and empathy for my family. It's gives me such amazing hope in the caliber and the character of the youth in this world, and what an example for Jack to see. I hope his parents know how grateful I am that they have raised such a good, good kid. It may be an unprecedented situation- a 16 year old taking 16 and 11 year old sisters to dances in the same month, fully endorsed by the father.

This example as well as the family I am blessed to be apart of,  I tell you about with tears in my eyes is exactly the reason the Stephens wobble but they won't fall down.

*next post..training for the fire season is heating up

Brandon Stephens, Weld County Jail, Wood Group, Sentenced, 5 Years, Prison, NFL, DRDC, Rifle Correctional Center, Colorado Department of Corrections, Jail, Judge Quammen, Steve Wrenn, Weld County, Executive, Oil, Gas, White Collar, Wood, BYU, Masters Degree, Colorado State University, SWIFT, Firefighter, Wildland, Sawyer, Fire, Inmate, Brandon Stokey, Miracles, Centennial Community Correctional Center, Delta Correctional Center, DRDC, Denver Diagnostic and Reception Center, Felony, Sallie Stephens, Greeley Tribune, Judge Thomas Quammen, DA Steve Wrenn, Weld County Court, Oil & Gas,. Halfway House, Centennial Community Correction Center, CCTC, Felon, 416 Fire, Silver Creek Fire, Spring Fire, Cabin Lake Fire